Happy 4 months Kensley!

Dear Kensley,

Yesterday you turned four months old and I am amazed by how much has changed in just this last month. It seems like every day you learn something new and it is getting really hard to keep track of it all. I have never been so in awe of a human before, I can sit and watch you for hours and laugh hysterically at all of your antics. You bring me so much joy and I am so blessed to be your momma.

This month God decided that it was the time to let there be rain, and he opened up the flood gates. I have never seen so much drool in all of my life. We literally have to change your outfits over and over and you soak through all of your bibs. What is up with all of the drool? Everything you come in contact with is covered with the stuff and when I pick you up you feel like you were dipped in the tub and then handed straight to me. Your covered, Im covered and even the floor I walk on is covered in your drool. This must have started because of the teething that is just around the corner. Boy am I looking forward to that. You chomp on your fingers, and anything else you can get to fit in that tiny mouth of yours. Sometimes I look over at you and you have managed to get your whole fist in your mouth. We gave you a teether the other day and it was so cool and yummy on your gums that you literally attacked it and tried to chomp the whole thing into your mouth. Its times like these that I am relieved that I chose to pump and give you a bottle, my boobs ache just watching you chomp like that.

Speaking of a bottle, we began giving you 6oz of formula and you now go 4 solid hours without eating. I cant tell you how happy this makes me, because the doctor really wanted you to go 4 hours without eating and the 5oz he suggested was not cutting it. Plus it allows us to go on longer trips out of the house because we are not constantly feeding you. Starting solid foods might be helping too, but I am soo happy that we are going longer without feeding you during the day. We started you on your first solid food last week, and ironically it was sweet potatoes. It took you a good couple feedings to get the hang of it but you are now eating like a champ. You open your mouth up wide and chomp down on your spoon and you make these adorable “mmm” sounds. I cant believe my little girl is such a good eater. Your still an amazing sleeper and sleep from 9pm till 7am like clockwork. It doesn’t matter if we feed you cereal before bedtime or not. And of course you still refuse to sleep long during the day, but as long as you sleep all night, I really don’t mind one bit. The other morning I came in to get you after I heard you fussing on the monitor. As soon as I came into your room I saw that you had busted one arm and one leg out of your wrap and you had the biggest, gummiest grin when you saw me. I had to cover my mouth to stop myself from laughing so hard because you looked absolutely priceless and so proud of yourself for breaking free.

I have to admit, right now I feel like a terrible mother for admitting this, but you love tv. You sit in your bumbo chair and will watch Diego and Higglytown Heroes and a whole Shrek movie. I tell myself you are fascinated by the colors, but I feel like I should be doing more for you. I want to read you more books, and take you for more walks and lay down on the floor with you and do more tummy time with you. I imagine its how most mothers feel. They feel like they can never ever do enough for their kids, even when they are doing as much as they possibly can. I doubt that feeling will ever go away. Long after you are out of this house and living on your own. And another feeling I have to get used to is guilt. This past month you have developed a serious case of stranger anxiety. It started when Great Grandma Audrey came over with Grandma Patti and you literally screamed for an hour straight. You made yourself sick you were so upset and I know its because your not used to seeing them. The next time they came to watch you, you were fine until she picked you up. Then you started crying when Great Grandma Sally came to watch you and then Grandma and Grandpa Shaw. You only calmed down after your dad or I picked you up and walked you around. This has made it extremely hard for me to leave and go to work because you get so upset when I leave. I never thought we would have to go through this so early and I am scared to death of it getting worse. That you will be one of those kids that losses her shit every time her parents drop her off somewhere. But then I stop and think that the reason you are like this is because you feel safe with your daddy and I. In a way, we must be doing something right because you want to be with us all of the time. I just wish I could tell you right now how much we love you and that you would understand that there is nothing on this earth that would keep your daddy and I away from you. We might have to leave for a little while every now and then, but we will always, always come back for you.

Love you Sweet Potato,

Momma