The Great Potty Training Disaster

So Kensley is now 2 1/2 and I am starting to feel a little bit of pressure from my family and possibly some other moms that she should start potty training. The thing is, I just didn't think she was ready because she shows NO interest in going on the potty we bought her. She never tries to take her diaper off or wakes up with a dry diaper or any of the other signals they tell you to look for. But for some reason my insanity kicked in and I thought Monday would be as good as any a day to start.

At first I stripped her down naked and let her run around the house. I pumped her full of diluted apple juice. Sippy cup after sippy cup until she wouldn't drink any more. This is where it might be good to note that my child is SCARED TO DEATH OF THE POTTY. What started this? I have no idea. I can't think of one traumatizing incident she would have had on it, but none the less she is petrified of the thing. So just getting her to sit on the potty was a feat in itself. I literally sat on the floor beside her with my arms around her hugging her while she cried, "mama" in the most pitiful voice.

An hour later nothing.

Not a single drop.

So I let her get up and the moment I turned around to pick up Rowan she peed all over the floor. I picked her up quickly to try and sit her back on the toilet and she is kicking and fighting me again to even sit down on it. I never once raised my voice, tried to talk to her soothingly that when she starts to pee she needs to sit on the potty.

Starting to dawn on me that this is going to be hard. This kid is nothing if not completely stubborn.

Don't ask me where she gets that from. No. Idea.

My husband was telling me awhile ago that someone he knew potty trained their daughter by putting her in real undies with a diaper over them. That way when she went she felt herself go and it was uncomfortable and she didn't like it and said potty training occurred. I thought. "why not" and did the same with Kensley.


I sit down to feed Rowan and I look up to her making her, "I'm pooping" face. I rush to set Rowan down and go over to her asking her if she is going potty. I start to pull her underwear down when I see just how much she has already gone.

sidenote: K lives on green beans, raisins, tomatoes and black beans. This tends to make her poops very, very ummm....soft.

I know this is going to be a disaster so instead of trying to sit her on her tiny little potty I take her into our bathroom and try to set her over the regular potty. At this point I am just trying to get her underwear off and not get any of this mess anywhere but in the toilet. Well, if you think she has a fear of her little potty....multiply that times a billion and that is just about how petrified she is of the "real" potty.

As I am pulling her undies off she begins thrashing like she is having a seizure. Kicking and scratching and screaming her full head off. And this is where it gets bad.

Poop starts flying everywhere.

All over the walls.

All over the floor.

MY FACE.

I can barely hold on to her at this point and she throws herself down on the floor smearing it all over. She tries to run out of the bathroom and slips and slides in it. I am screaming in horror and shock at this point. I honestly didn't know what to do.

I pick her up and try to take her upstairs. She must have some sort of ESP because she knew full well where I was taking her. THE BATHTUB.

You all know how much she loves that place...

I am covered in crap at this point. My hands are slipping off of her because SHE IS COVERED IN CRAP. It is on my walls going up the steps and all over my carpeted stairs. I get her in the bathroom where she is still freaking out and she gets more all over the floor and walls in that room. I get her in the tub and begin to turn on the shower and just hose her down. I get her out, diapered and I put her in her room to play until her dad got home.


I then cleaned poop off every surface imaginable for the next hour. 

Guys, I found it in between my toes. 

So I guess what I am trying to say is that it didn't go so well.